I can't believe that just happened!!
This is not how I expected things to unfold.
For some time now God has been laying a lot on my heart. I silenced it for so long. I made excuses as to why I couldn’t do it. Why I couldn’t talk about it. The time was not right, I had to this or that first, the list goes on and on. My most recent reason was I was waiting to launch a blog where I will share, well my life, but then the one blog that I felt needed to be on there when I launched it was on a hard drive that broke and has been sent out to see if it can be repaired. I did not want to put myself through writing that particular blog again because it was traumatic and painful. So I delayed once again.
Well this past Sunday God spoke loud and clear and said now is the time. I was in church, which I rarely get to do because I pack my calendar so full. I knew I had to go, I thought it was because I was supposed to sing a song that God kept putting on my heart. I was going to ask after service if I could practice it. I was to scared to sing it with everyone in there. Well God had other plans. When the Guest Pastor offered an altar call I asked him if I could say a few words. I asked my husband to please record me because I had no clue what was fixing to come out of my mouth.
It was a lot…… A lot of things that I have yet to openly share with the world. My closest family and a few friends know a very small amount about my story but never have I openly shared my story.
It was like I had no control over what I was saying. I was shaking so bad but as I was talking it was like a weight was being lifted off my chest.
My dad had to leave for an emergency during service and I had no clue where he went, this almost caused me to fight what God was telling me to do and sit there quietly. But for once I listened to Him!! I stood up and shared my story.
What was amazing is that no one threw me out of the church no one told me to be quiet. They let me speak.
After the service I had two women come up to me. One who encouraged me and said she too had overcome a similar situation. The other lady touched my heart so much. She shared that she had never told anyone of her story but she too had terrible things happen to her as a child.
I honestly had no idea what to say to her. I thought I am fresh through therapy, I have no words. I did love on her and encourage her to talk to someone. That really did help me so very much. I hope to get better at my response to others along this journey. I will put my trust in the Lord and I know He will guide me.
I had no idea how much hate and shame I had in my heart, I mean dark deep hate and shame. But as I stood up in front of so many faces that only a few I recognized I received so much peace and joy. I finally did what God wanted me to do.
My hope is that my words, my journey, my life will be a light unto others and allow them to overcome any obstacles standing in their way.
God Bless
I did not plan to ever share the video with anyone but the more I prayed about it, I believe that is what I am supposed to do. So I am stepping out in FAITH and sharing this with the world.
