For the past couple of years I have made a practice to write an end of the year blog. More for myself than others I presume. It has been a way to look back and reflect on what has went well and what maybe didn’t go so great in the direction I was hoping.

This year I have waited until the first to write this blog. I could not figure out why I just was not feeling it within me to put words to paper the entire last week of the year. What was holding me back. I had many struggles in 2021 just as so many of you have, but it was a blessed year for me and I am very grateful for both the struggles and the successful moments I encountered.

Then last night I got news that I never would have thought could happen, my beautiful friend since high school had passed away. Now this is one of those friends that shaped most of my teen years. We were always together, we celebrated graduations, weddings, having children, and so much more over the years. All while our relationship morphed into different avenues. We drifted apart for years and I am thankful that over the past few years we started sharing and talking again like no time had past. Our friendship definitely did not get back to where I would have hoped it would have but it was definitely headed that way. I just spoke with her weeks ago as she was planning to come to my 40th birthday celebration in January. We text at Christmas saying Merry Christmas and that we loved one another. I am thankful for those moments. My heart is heavy in not understanding why this terrible thing has happened to such a sweet family. She is loved by so many and has always strived to put her family first.

I took the early morning hours of the first day of the new year to cry, look back at pictures and memories and yell at God for taking her way too soon. At some point I fell asleep, I woke this morning with an unknown feeling within me. I had her still very heavy on my heart. I also knew that my children were leaving in just hours to go on vacation for seven days with their dad, let’s face it a mom is going to worry when her kids are away visiting other countries without her. As well as so many other things in life that are troubling me right now.

Then I pulled out my devotional that I have neglected far to much lately and this is the verse that was waiting for me. You are intimately aware of me, Lord. You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence! You know every step I will take before my journey begins! Psalm 139: 3-4.

I sat and read that verse over and over again. I felt more peace each time I read it. Then just as clear as anything I realized that I have to take control of my thoughts and emotions. I must fight the devil in all of the negative and self destructive thoughts he so often places in my head. I must be a light, a light that I know I am meant to be. A light that I have felt for many years but was not equip to handle it. I am now sure of so many things. I have clarity and direction. I am going to work hard to keep this light burning bright.

I am choosing to live and love the way I am supposed to. My sweet dear friends life was taken way too soon. Her family is now hurting in a way I can not understand. But, what I can do is live each day for her. I can live each day to the fullest. I can not explain the true depth of the feelings I am having right now but I know they are from God and I am going to continue to follow his direction.

This year I recap 2021 with these highlights I would like to share:

*I survived living across the country away from all of my family and friends for half the year, something I take as a huge personal growth experience considering my surroundings.

*I was blessed with the opportunity to visit so many new places, I made memories that will never be forgotten.

*I took the opportunity to film some drone content for my job, something I hope to do much more of, if not for work for my personal channel.

*I learned how to truly Love Myself without needing attention or affirmations from anyone.

*I realized I have been a good mom. I raised my children the best way I knew how and as they are getting older all I can do is hope and pray they make good decisions, and that no matter what I will always have their back whenever they need it, as well as reminding them that I brought them into this world and I can take them out of it…..lol Just kidding!

*I resumed therapy sessions with my amazing therapist in a group session environment and I am thriving because of it.

*I PAID OFF MY HOUSE!! This one was a bit unexpected in an amount and time frame I was not prepared for but I DID IT!

*I completed an online certificate course in social media and marketing through UCF. This was huge for me as I struggle in school and have terrible test anxiety, yet I got it done!

*I am working to repair hurt relationships and praying for God’s guidance in all relationships in my life.

Those are the major moments and things that stand out to me as I sit with my dog on a Gulf Shoreline watching the sun set on the first day of 2022.

I will start this year with hope in my heart. I will continue on the path God is leading me down. I will be kind to myself and others.

I will continue my work as Ambassador with SlimFast in 2022! #ad #slimfastbrandambassador #slimfast

This year I am also not going to list all of the things that I hope to accomplish in this year. I will hold those close to my heart and share them once the time is right. I hope this diary/blog entry has blessed you in some way.

I look forward to sharing with you all again soon.

God Bless Amanda

January 1, 2022.

A Reflection On 2021