Stop Being A Mom!

Raise your hand if you are guilty of saying any of these phrases.

It’s ok you go, have fun I will take care of this.

I’ll cancel my beauty appointment, it’s really ok.

I don’t care go ahead.

I was looking forward to that but, I understand.

You work so hard all week, it’s my job to keep up on these things.

Oh, you want to go out with your friends, ok, I will stay here.

We have saved for this trip forever but, life happens.

I really wanted that new dress I’ve been looking at but you need new shoes first.

Are you always putting yourself on the back burner to make sure that the rest of your family is taken care of? I am telling you it must STOP! One day when your kids have grown up you are going to look up and be completely lost.

Now don’t take my words and turn them into some crazy theory and stop taking care of your family. What I am saying is that over weeks, months, and even years continuing to always put yourself last will take a very negative toll on you.

I can speak from experience. I stayed home with my children most of their childhood. Their dad worked and we chose to homeschool them due to some learning disabilities my daughter struggled with. For more years than I can remember I poured all of my energy into the kids and volunteering in our community. I had a heart for giving and I took it to the extreme, always!! 

I thought I was not a good mom if I asked for time off. If I wanted to get away I would feel ashamed and push the thought right out of my mind. I tried to go to a mom’s night once in a while but those were rare.

What I am getting at here moms is that my kids grew up and all of a sudden I was lost….. I needed to take care of someone. I was put on this earth to cater to others. To make sure they were happy and healthy. All of a sudden everything changed… So what did I do, I just went and started trying to mother everyone else that would let me. I did not know how to focus on myself. It just felt wrong. I needed to be helping others, organizing schedules, cleaning the house, making a grocery list. 

In the blink of an eye, I looked up and was so lost in this world. I had no clue how to function. The transformation did not come easy or gracefully. I pushed my mothering on to the relationship I was in. Why, because I needed to be a mom!! I needed to mother someone. I was who I was!!! 

One day I realized I had to stop referring to myself in life as a mom and start owning the fact that I am Amanda! 

I am a 39-year-old woman who catered to everyone else for so many years she lost sight of who she was. I share a brief description of my journey with you because I would love to encourage you to make changes now if the first few phrases define you.

I would like to give you a few pointers to make sure that when your children and family situation change you are not lost. I would love to help you avoid the year of struggle I have endured.

So what can you do now to prevent this from happening to you in the future?

• Take time for yourself!

This does not have to be a big move or change. Simply schedule one 2 hour block once a week that your spouse, parent, older child, or friend watches your child or children. Use that time to take a walk, read a book, take a bubble bath and shave your legs you have neglected for so long. Do something for yourself!!! And Do Not use this time to get caught up on housework or answer emails….. That needs to fit in somewhere else on your schedule. What do you love to do?

• Get up and Get dressed!

What I mean is pull yourself out of your sweatpants or yoga pants, put on a bra, and brush your teeth and hair. Self-care always seems to take a back seat each day. Make sure that you start your day feeling refreshed. I stayed home with the kids for years and now work from home. If I stay in my jammies I feel sluggish all day. If I get up and style my hair, wash my face, and throw on a little makeup I feel like I can own the day. It makes a positive impact to take time to put yourself together each morning.

• Journal when you can.

Sometimes our thoughts and emotions can control us. I found and still do this today, that when I journal my thoughts it gets them out of my head and on paper. I walk away for a bit then I come back to them and read them to realize how many times I was being irrational. And sometimes when I look back at them it reminds me of how far I have come. Journaling is very therapeutic. Put it on the paper and then let it go.

• Eat well and Stay active!

It is so important to remember your health. You need to be the focus of attention when it comes to your health. I never paid attention to my own health. Because of this, I taught my kids some pretty bad lifestyle habits. It is a must to eat healthily, remember you do not need to eat the food that your children left on their plate. Just because they are having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn’t mean you need to. Grab a salad or veggies instead. Walks are also very therapeutic. A simple 20-minute walk can change your complete outlook on the day. Endorphins make us happy!!! 

I know these seem like such silly and simple tasks that probably would not make a big difference but trust me they do. You are so important. You are Enough and Worthy of great things! You deserve some love and attention. I urge you to ask for time for yourself. Show yourself the love that you so desire to give others every moment of your life. Don’t be afraid to ask for a little time!

And above all, remember, You Are (insert name here) Not Just MOM!

Many of you who follow me know that I am a bit silly when it comes to birthdays. At least that is what I have been told. I have heard it is just another day. You’re an adult why do you act like a kid on your birthday. Seriously you want to celebrate all week?

Well, let me tell you, this is not an easy one to write about but this is the meaning behind my silly behavior.

For much of my life, I lived with a dark demon living just below the surface that I did not know was there. I had buried about a year of my life as a child due to a traumatic event that happened several times that year. I had no clue I had buried it and really ended up losing my childhood innocence because of it. Because of that event, I went down a path in life that I never saw for myself. On the outside, I was outgoing and confident, but inside I was insecure and thought that men were put on this earth to belittle women and it was our job to take it. 

Throughout most of my high school and adult years, I thought little of myself. I struggled most days to stay positive. I battled daily to make sure I was a good mom to my children. I tried really hard to be the most encouraging friend I could be. I worked hard to be that all-star person in the eyes of my family. To keep up that facade when you are crumbling inside is not easy. There were a few times that life got so dark that I thought of ending it all. It was all just too much. It was too heavy. It was overwhelming. 

In the past, I would always get excited about my birthday but not like I do now. After years of therapy and treatment, I have worked through those terrible memories. They were pulled to the surface and I relived each and every one of them. This allowed me to work through them. Now almost four years later I can share this with you with a grateful heart. It sucks what happened to me but I believe it happened because I am supposed to help others who have faced trying moments in life. 

I celebrate my 39th Birthday with you today. I love to make a huge deal of my birthday, why? Because I am here!! I am alive!! God saved me!! He gave me the heart to share!! I no longer wish to end things!! I look forward to fresh new beginnings daily!! I embrace change (not always gracefully, but I embrace it). I am thankful God is blessing me with another year of life!! I am going to celebrate it in the best way I can!! 

I love the peace I feel these days. It is a feeling like I have never felt before. I encourage you to find the kid within yourself and celebrate big when it comes time for your birthday!